Signs He’s Cheating
Few things in life are worse than having a sneaking suspicion that your partner is cheating on you – except finding out that he is. There are a plethora of small obvious signs that you may be able to detect that will set your womanly radar off.
Some of your man’s actions may appear to be innocent, but where there’s smoke, there could be infidelity fire. Cheating can be mental, emotional, physical, or a combination of all these.
Every case of cheating is unique, just like every marriage. We won’t quote statistical data, but studies show that many men (and women) consider cheating in some way at some point. It’s one explanation for why the divorce rate in the United States is currently around 50%.
It can be difficult to tell if your husband is being unfaithful. Oftentimes, the signs are subtle and easy to overlook or dismiss. But it’s important to pay attention to these warning signs and take them seriously. Here are some common indicators that your marriage may be in trouble.
Uncharacteristic Changes in Behavior
If your husband is suddenly behaving differently than usual, it could be a sign that something isn’t quite right. He may start coming home later, become more secretive about his activities, or stop expressing as much interest in you and your relationship. These behaviors may point to an underlying issue such as cheating or even a troubled marriage.
Increased Amount of Alone Time
If your husband is spending more time away from home and less time with you, this could be a sign that he is intentionally avoiding you. He may make excuses for why he needs to go out and not involve you in his plans. This type of behavior often suggests that something is wrong.
Another red flag is if your husband frequently goes on unexplained absences without telling you where he’s going. If he disappears for hours or days at a time and doesn’t explain why, then there’s a chance he may be seeing someone else.
If your husband has stopped giving you compliments, flirting with you, or showing any genuine affection toward you, this could be a sign that he’s been unfaithful. A lack of intimacy can put a strain on a marriage, so it’s important to address the issue head-on and talk to your husband about what’s been going on.
Avoidance of Serious Conversation
If your husband has started avoiding conversations about your relationship or anything serious, it may mean he’s trying to hide something from you. His refusal to talk about your future together or the state of your marriage may indicate that he’s keeping secrets from you.
So, no matter how suspicious you are of your husband and what he is thinking, there are a few things to keep an eye out for. Don’t take them as gospel that cheating is occurring, but if you notice a lot of what follows in your marriage, it may be time for the “we need to talk” intervention.
Signs your Husband is a Cheater…
Here are a few things to keep an eye out for…
1. He tells lies about things that don’t even matter.
If you can’t trust him to talk about what happened about the little things, it could be a sign that he won’t tell you the truth about the big things. It’s a stretch to think that “I already fed the cat” when he didn’t and “I was out with Bill” when he was actually out with Melissa last night are the same thing, but they do indicate the same kind of thinking.
Is he cheating on me? Maybe
2. He’s protecting his cell phone.
Every marriage is governed by certain rules, as is the privacy that each individual can expect when it comes to their electronics. But if there’s a significant change in the rules, particularly the veil of security he demands that wasn’t there before, guess what? He could be hiding something.
How to tell if he’s cheating? Read on.
3. He’s terrible at responding to you when he’s out with other people.
This really only applies if he’s been good about it in the past, but he’s not being responsive right now. If he’s always been a jerk, that’s just who he is. If he’s only recently started doing it, he may have something to hide.
4. When you’re not around, he’s hanging out with a new crowd.
New people mean fewer opportunities to use friends to check up on him, such as who his male and female friends are out and about with. Change in social circles can mean he’s met someone new and interesting that he doesn’t want you to know about.
Husband cheating signs? Possibly
5. Is he bringing up a specific female’s name in your conversations?
He could be unconsciously trying to lay his cards on the table. It could be nothing more than a passing fancy, but it could also be something more. Taking a lot of interest in another woman could be compared to showing an ace in your hand at the poker table.
Is your husband cheating on you? He may be.
6. A good offense is the best defense.
Is he accusing you of cheating for no apparent reason? He may be attempting to put you back on your heels in order to divert your attention away from his own misdeeds. It’s a form of gaslighting because they shift the focus away from themselves and toward you. You can’t concentrate on his wrongdoings if you’re defending your own innocuous actions.
How to tell if he is cheating? Keep going.
7. He tells you he’s going to watch the game with his friends, but when he gets home, he can’t even tell you who won.
Any man who is stupid enough not to have his story straight deserves to be caught. He could have been playing the game rather than watching it. Don’t confront him, but look for hints that he wasn’t with his crew when he claimed to be.
Signs of a cheating man in a relationship? If it’s odd, it could be.
8. He appears to be in much better shape than usual.
Maybe it’s a mid-life crisis, or maybe he’s just trying to make a positive change in his life. Alternatively, he could have a lady friend on the side. When it comes to attracting someone, one of the tools in your toolbox is to look better. It may be harmless in and of itself, but if other behaviors occur as a result of this change, be cautious. Wearing cologne when he hasn’t in the past is another red flag that something is wrong.
I suspect my husband is cheating
9. Regular work habits are no longer so regular.
He may have a perfectly valid reason, such as entertaining clients or preparing for a big presentation, but if his reasons are ambiguous and wishy-washy, your stress responses should kick in just a little bit.
How do you know he’s cheating? Start sleuthing
10. He alters the passwords on your shared social media accounts.
If he’s creating his own independent accounts and you’re not aware of it, or if you’re not getting access like you used to, that’s another sign that something, or someone, is wrong.
Is my husband still cheating? Get those passwords.
11. What are those credit card charges?
If you keep an eye on your monthly credit card statements and notice items that you don’t recognize, they could be harmless or signs of monkey business. It’s a problem if you can’t match the cost to the story. Also, if he’s now paying in cash for items that were previously charged, that’s a money monkey business concern.
12. The excitement (in the bedroom) has worn off.
When a person’s physical desire fades, it usually happens gradually. If you put the breaks on your love life like they’re on a runaway train, guess who might be getting his booty call elsewhere. Spouses go through periods of stress and extreme business, so it could be due to outside forces, but it could also be due to something else.
13. When his phone rings, he recognizes the caller and declines to answer.
We all do it, but if it becomes a habit, or if he goes into a private place to return a call, it could be a sign that he needs his privacy because he’s hiding something from you. Don’t let your imagination run wild, but if it happens on a regular basis, make a note of it and quietly investigate to see if you can figure out what’s going on.
Signs of a cheating husband? strange cell phone calls.
14. If you cheat on me once, you should be ashamed of yourself. Shame on me for cheating on me twice.
A partner who has cheated in the past and been caught is more likely to believe they can get away with it again by cheating better the second time. If your spouse has a history of cheating and you suspect it is occurring again, it may be time to make that husband a part of your history instead.
If your husband cheats on you once, shame on him…
15. His friends are behaving strangely toward you.
He may be doing an excellent job of concealing his infidelity, but there will be a weak link somewhere in his buddy ecosystem. If you notice that his conversations or interactions with his buddies are different for no apparent reason, it is possible that they already know what you suspect.
16. Is he doing more headhunting these days?
If he’s trying to start a fight, it could mean he’s trying to drive a schism between you in order to justify his cheating ways. It’s a common tactic for guys who can use it to claim that your fighting drove him into the arms of another.
17. He wants you to simply stop doing nice things for him.
The Catholic guilt syndrome is another term for it. If you’re being kind and considerate, as all relationships should be, it could be inciting conflict in him if he’s thinking about or already doing so.
18. He used to despise country music, but now he enjoys it.
You can really put any genre here, so sorry to all you country music fans. The point is that he may be being introduced to music that he never liked before because his new “friend” likes that type of music and he’s just trying to win her favor.
19. You’re going to Dallas for the holidays, while he’s going to Cancun.
Separate vacations are sometimes beneficial in a relationship, but they are not always. If you can’t agree or compromise on vacations, it could mean you’re drifting apart or that he’s “accidentally on purpose” hooking up with someone new in a land far, far away from witnessing eyes.
20. You don’t argue about what’s on TV or who has the remote.
That’s because he’s gone to his den, or a man cave, or is simply preoccupied with something else, such as playing on a laptop while you’re watching The Bachelorette or The Hills. Two televisions and two remotes have undoubtedly ended more fights than they have started, but private channel surfing may also indicate that intimacy has left the room or changed channels.
21. Instead of fighting excessively, you no longer fight at all.
The polar opposite of love is indifference, not hatred. If you’re always getting your way, and he’s giving in on things that are normally a fight (e.g., Taco Bell vs. Olive Garden), someone may have already called it quits on your relationship. A healthy marriage includes a lively and enthusiastic discussion about what to do that involves both of you. Rolling over could indicate that your marriage is in trouble.
22. When you confront your man about cheating, he simply babbles his way out of the situation.
A full-frontal assault can be a great tactical move at times, especially if you have other suspicions already in play. When you catch your man off guard, he may become stupid in trying to explain their actions. However, some men are extremely skilled at deception. Only you will know for sure because you are familiar with how your man has acted in similar situations in the past.
23. Discovering condoms in your husband’s belongings after not using condoms in years.
Okay, this one is a no-brainer. Next, you’ll be busted!
24. Mr. Reliable has evolved into Mr. Forgetful.
Is he always able to remember birthdays, anniversaries, and the like? Did he use to buy great gifts that were thoughtful and on the mark? Did you receive a vacuum cleaner as your most recent large gift? Or did you simply receive a card and an apology two days later? He may be physically present, but he may also have mentally checked out on you. There are so many opportunities for him to make mistakes throughout the year. The smart guy who’s still in a meaningful relationship won’t get them all right, but he’ll get a lot closer than the guy who’s mentally moved on.
25. He doesn’t share his Messenger or WhatsApp accounts.
Because instant messages are more private than regular SMS and Text messages, it’s relatively easy for your husband to cheat on you without your knowledge. While you shouldn’t expect to read his phone messages any more than he should expect you to read yours, there’s nothing wrong with occasionally glancing at his screen. If he’s concealing his IMs, he’s probably concealing more than just a message.
26. He avoids family gatherings and other social gatherings.
If he’s cheating on you, it may not yet be physical, but avoiding family contact could be an indication that it’s at least emotional, especially if he’s previously enjoyed gatherings. Outside pressure, once again, can change dynamics, but when those are absent, it may be a sign that he is investing in someone else.
27. He openly insults you in public and in front of his friends.
Under any circumstances, but especially if he’s attempting to send a signal to your larger social circle, this is not acceptable. Putting you down in public is a form of putting you down, and it happens all the time, especially if you’re married to a misfiring practical joker. However, it is possible that he is sowing the seeds of a relationship revolt that will eventually lead to a full-fledged breakup.
28. Your husband has become a grumpy Judy.
He’ll be up and excited about something one minute, then down and depressed the next, all because he has to spend time with you. If he’s happier away from you, that’s a dead giveaway. He may do what is necessary to keep a relationship running smoothly, but relationship problems will inevitably arise as a result of him and his “wear it on his sleeve” emotional demeanor.
29. The 20-minute trip to Lowes turns into a three-hour “where the hell are you?”
Granted, some guys get distracted by shiny objects, and some guys just need alone time to recharge and do their own thing, but if it takes him a couple of hours to buy some nails without further elaboration on multiple occasions, we have a problem.
30. He starts arguments to get out of the house.
Going to Home Depot when everything is fine is one thing, but if he uses the incendiary excuse of picking a fight as a way to get out of there on a regular basis, there’s trouble brewing. It can leave a spouse wondering what they did wrong or feeling genuinely angry at the man despite the fact that they know they did nothing wrong. It can sometimes be as simple as a man blowing off steam as a result of all the pressures in his life. At times, letting off steam serves as a smokescreen for less than honorable intentions.
31. He stops talking about the years ahead and your future lives together.
As a trial separation balloon, that talk is sometimes replaced by “what if we went our separate ways?” It could be because there is already someone else in that balloon, or it could simply be general unhappiness that he is attempting to resolve, even if it means breaking up.
32. You don’t hear from his mother as often as you used to.
If he hasn’t informed you, he may have informed his mother, brother, sister, or any other close family member. If you get the impression that they’ve recoiled, it could be because they’re anticipating a change. Switching gears in a relationship do not happen in a vacuum. A village, or in this case, a family, is required.
33. You discover a hidden bank account.
This one hurts, especially if you’ve been struggling to make ends meet with children’s braces, soccer lessons, summer camps, and other expenses. Whether or not there is an affair involved, this is a fundamental breach of marital trust, and you need to have a serious conversation with your husband about why and how long this has been going on. Remember that the keyword here is “secret.” Couples frequently have separate accounts, which is fine as long as everything is in order.
34. He literally fails the smell test.
If he brings home scents that are unfamiliar to you on a regular basis, your nose may be able to tell you something that he is not. It’s one thing to come home smelling like Dior after an office Christmas party, but it’s quite another to smell like Dior on Taco Tuesday. Take notes with your nose. Bonus points if he comes home with make-up on his shirts more than once or twice in a few months. Some people are huggers, while others are just buggers.
35. “You just don’t like me.”
If a husband does not believe his contributions to a relationship are being noticed and acknowledged by his partner, he may seek validation elsewhere. This is true if another woman regularly compliments him, either at work or in your social circle. “She’s nice,” can lead to “I wonder what life would be like with her,” and before you know it, you’re all sliding down a slippery slope.
36. “I” has replaced “us.”
Little verbal cues can indicate the beginning of a breakup and a drift to a new relationship that has already begun. When a husband starts saying things like, “I want to go here for dinner,” rather than “maybe we could go here for dinner,” it’s a small but significant shift toward becoming more self-centered and ensuring their needs are met in all areas of their lives and loves.
37. He exaggerates.
Guilty feet have no rhythm, and as a result, guilty men will overplay their hands, either by lavishing praise on you out of nowhere or by bashing other women who don’t deserve it. It’s all a ruse to ease his conscience while lulling you into a false sense of security.
38. When all else fails, go with your gut instinct.
You might already know what’s going on deep down. You’ve been married to your husband for many years. You’re familiar with his vibes. You’re familiar with his habits and the way he normally behaves. If that feels strange for any reason, start looking for other indicators to confirm what’s going on.